Krishua's Xanga

The Baby and the Belly

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 18:19:20 GMT

She is so silly sometimes. And awfully sweet. And very nearly NOT a baby any more. She's now 20 months. How is that even possible?

She has new words and phrases every day. Things like "Where'd it go?" and "I doh know." Whenever she asks a question and you respond with the answer she almost always says, very flatly like she didn't really care in the first place, "Oh." She surprises me sometimes with words I didn't know she knew like goggles and mirror and necklace. And crap. Yes, she has said crap. I'm trying to watch it.

She has been sleeping in a toddler bed for well over a month now. It just sort of happened. Morgan accidentally broke the side of her crib one day trying to get Addie out and so we had to let her sleep without anything to keep her in but a little side rail. And she has done so well! So even though I thought I would need months to mentally and emotionally prepare for my baby to be done with the crib, it sort of overtook me and here we are. My baby sleeps in a bed. MY BABY. Sigh.

Her favorite word is no (isn't that the favorite of most 20 month olds?) and her favorite food is cheese. Some days it seems that she only exists on cheese, grapes, and cottage cheese. She asks for almost everything "in a bow" (bowl). She adores babies and pushing her dollies in the stroller. She currently has a thing for shoes. She asks to go potty all.the.time. but pretty much never actually does anything once she's on the potty. She loves taking showers with her sister, eating popsicles, taking her diaper off, her paci at bedtime, and carrying around a purse. She cries every time I take her to Mother's Day Out (oh, the guilt!) but has a blast once I'm gone. She is prone to getting candy bribes in order to get in the carseat without a struggle (don't judge me), and is developing a love for Elmo. She has the widest feet I have ever seen on a little girl and the prettiest eyes on the planet. She now allows me to do her hair and sometimes even asks for a bow. She recently had her toenails painted for the first time and she gained three new teeth all within two weeks (thank the Lord that's over).

Every day I discover something new about her that points to LITTLE GIRL. Every day she is losing her babyness. Every day my heart breaks a million times into a million pieces over a look, a snuggle, a word tossed over her shoulder as she heads out into the backyard to play and to not need me. I should be used to it by now, the breaking of my heart, since she's been doing it from the moment she took her first breath, but I'm not. Every time feels brand new. And I know I've said it a hundred times before but this seems to be the song of my life: sometimes I just want to collapse under the unfairness of it all--that there must be a last baby and that the last baby must grow and change and will one day be gone.

Stay, sweet Addie Baby. Please, just stay.

Where did the summer go?

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:47:41 GMT

Ahhh, the kids have been in school for almost 2 weeks now and it has been NICE. Mason is going to pre-K at Morgan's school every day until 11:45 (they have all day pre-K but I thought it would be a bit much for a four year old so he's only going half day) and Morgan is in 1st grade. They both LOVE school. Addie started Mom's Day Out last week and it went okay. She cried a lot but then ate snack and was happy the rest of the time. She's only going on Fridays for a couple of hours.

So, with school in session I guess that means summer is over.

But what a summer we had! We didn't go on any vacations this year. Instead, we had several stay-cations right here in our home state. Who knew Oklahoma could be so fun? We went to a local water park and had the time of our lives, spent a long weekend at the lake with family, and took a day trip to visit two fun places: Arbuckle Wilderness (a drive-thru zoo where the animals get up-close and personal) and Turner Falls (a state park which features natural swimming holes made from springs and includes a 77 foot waterfall).

What a blast that day was! Turner Falls was so much fun and a perfect way to cool off in the HOT HOT HOT weather. All the kids loved splashing, swimming, and sliding around on the very slippery rocks. We were all so exhausted at the end of the day!

And Arbuckle Wilderness was great! I've lived in Oklahoma nearly all of my life and have never been there. It was a hoot! Those animals will practically get in the car and I am not even exaggerating. Words alone will never explain our experience there so here are (several) pictures:

The Camels: They were VERY friendly. And hungry. Because one even stuck his head in the back window and took Mason's food cup right out of the cup holder.

Josh, frantically telling these camels that he has no food. They were very persistant.

Morgan feeds a deer-ish animal.

The deer-ish animal wants more, I guess.

Loved this sign outside of the wolves' pen.

This was some sort of buffalo/bison/hairy cow. I don't know. The animals who were tall enough would stick their head right in the car as we passed by but the short ones would just rest their head on the window sill and open their mouth, waiting for the food.

You will notice that Addie is not in her car seat. That's because the whole animals-coming-into-our-car pretty much scared the pants off of her and so she's in the very back in Morgan's seat where she felt safer (no windows to open back there).

I was able to take my food cup and pour some food right in this guy's mouth!!

This donkey was hungry, too.

I almost wrapped up this sweet lil' fuzzy baby donkey to take home with us. But Addie said no.

Umm, HELLO BUFFALO (or Bison. Whatever)!

Morgan, our animal lover, was in her element. She had so much fun doing this. Mason was much more intimdated by the whole experience and preferred to see the animals from a safe distance and not feed them (but he had a blast watching from the backseat). And I already mentioned what Addie thought. But Morgan loved this!

The ostrich might want a ride. Or something. Why else is he trying to climb into our car??

LOVE this pic with Mason in the background. It almost looks like he's protecting Addie who you can see just behind him. Josh got video of this part and pretty much all you can hear is, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" We laughed so hard once the ostrich got his long neck out of our car.

Why, HELLO ZEBRA!

An antelope-ish animal.

Another zebra, I think. I've never seen such large ears on a zebra. Maybe his mama was a donkey?

The giraffes. Morgan's absolute favorite.

I never knew giraffe's had such pretty eyes and long eyelashes.

Maybe that's because I've never been up-close to one of these animals before.

Morgan exclaimed during this particular part, "This is so AWESOME!" She was even able to reach out with one hand to stroke his head. How cool is that?

Most of the animals we saw roamed free and would be waiting for the cars to pass by. Some, like the giraffes and zebras, were fenced in and we pulled the car up to the fence. It was fun and kind of scary to look ahead and see the gigantic buffalo herd waiting for you.

After the drive-thru part we got out for the walk-thru zoo. It wasn't nearly as cool as the drive-thru.

But Addie liked the monkeys.

They both have the same look on their faces, don't they?

So, there you go! If any of you ever come to visit, we are so going to Arbuckle Wilderness! Be prepared to clean out your car afterwards, though. Those animals are messy eaters.

Toothless

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 19:10:01 GMT

It's been a year since she has lost any teeth but Morgan is now, once again, a toothless wonder.

How cute is she with her lisp-inducing gap? :)

Mason's Big Day

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 20:00:25 GMT

On Monday Mason had the biggest day of his life. He had surgery to remove his oversized adenoids and tonsils which had been the cause of a chronic stuffy nose and many sinus infections and lingering nasal problems. This was not something we entered into lightly. Over the past year and a half we have tried many, many alternatives to clear up his problems: different allergy meds, steroids, and decongestants. In addition, Mason had a CT scan in the spring which revealed that ALL of his sinuses were completely filled with fluid and he ended up on three different antibiotics for almost two months to try to get rid of his problem, all to no avail. His adenoids were much too large to allow his sinuses to drain, among other things. So, on August 3 he went in for surgery.

He was so, so excited. No nerves, no fear, just innocent excitement about his surgery. Later, I wished that we had been a little bit more frank with him about just what the surgery would entail. But here he is, sitting with his daddy, smiling and waiting his turn.

He got hooked up to the leads that would monitor his heart and breathing.

And then he waited some more, hands completely steady, no nerves at all.

I, on the other hand, had been a bundle of nerves leading up to this day. But thankfully after much prayer, that early morning I had peace about what was going to happen, peace that my baby boy would be well taken care of, peace that he was in the best Hands he could be in.

And so, we sent him off with hugs and kisses and I love you's. And he smiled and waved...

...like a little lamb being led to the slaughter. Of course, I didn't have that thought right then. No, that thought only came later, when I listened to him scream a scream I hope to never hear again while recalling his happy, smiling face that morning. He went into his surgery so excited and happy and he came out a terrified, wild-eyed little boy in severe pain.

It. was. awful.

Josh and I played tic-tac-toe on his iPhone while we waited for his ENT doc to visit with us after the surgery. He finally came in and said that Mason had done well, that his tonsils were large and his adenoids were huge, all needing to come out, that the surgery was a success and that Mason was "not very happy." A few minutes later we heard a primal screaming in the hall and I briefly thought to myself, "Wow, I'm so glad that's not my child. How awful." And then the screaming started coming into our room.

Josh and I were on our feet in an instant, trying to calm the kicking, hitting, screaming, terror-stricken boy who was supposed to be our son but who I hardly recognized. I have never, ever, ever seen him like that. He cried out for me in a babyish way, asking for mama, and I was right in his face saying, "I'm here, Mason. Mama's right here." And he looked at me with the widest eyes and did not see me at all. It was terrifying. He continued to scream and kick, completely out of control. The nurses later said it was a reaction to the anesthesia, something called post-anesthetic dementia. Normal, but not common.

It took us a good five minutes to get him calm, though it seemed like an hour or more. And once he finally calmed he was still not himself and he cried out in pain and confusion often. He drifted in and out of sleep for almost two hours and seemed most calm when we were very near so Josh and I took turns laying with him in his bed.

Finally, about ten minutes before we were going to be allowed to go home, he opened his eyes and was suddenly Mason again, still in some pain but thankfully, himself. He was excited to ride in a wheelchair out to the car, carrying a popsicle in a styrofoam cup.

His face was swollen because of the surgery and bright red (a side-effect of the anesthesia). We took him home and encouraged him to drink and eat and he spent most of the day sleeping off the anesthesia. When he wasn't sleeping he was crying. And so was I.

I was not at all prepared for how hard that first day was. Everyone I had talked to said the first and second day were fairly easy, their child seemed pretty much normal, and that the third and fourth days were the hardest. And I fully expected it to be much the same for us. But it wasn't. At the end of that first day I was not at all sure that it had been worth it, that this surgery had been a good idea. I didn't know if, given the chance, I would go back and do it all again.

And now, five days into recovery, I'm still not sure if the surgery was a good idea. Honestly, I won't know that until Mason is completely healed and we start seeing the results of no longer having gigantic adenoids. But now I am certainly hopeful that it will have been worth it. After that first day things have gotten so much better. Mason has eaten well and been keeping up with fluids, playing quietly (and not-so-quietly) and fighting with his sisters. He still has moments of pain, usually at night after breathing through his mouth and getting very dry, but he is relatively normal during the day. I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am so, so hopeful for a real improvement in Mason's health.

And I hope we never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever have to do something like this again. Ever.

One More Year

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:50:42 GMT

Last Saturday a florist rang the bell at my in-laws house and presented me (we were visiting) with six pink roses from my husband. The beautiful flowers weren't marking the day of our wedding or our first date and they weren't exactly a simple romantic gesture from my very romantic hubby. No, they were a sweet reminder that he remembers something important, that he is sensitive to my heart, that he wanted me to feel especially loved and cared for on that particular day. Saturday was the 18th of July, the anniversary of the day my mother died after battling cancer. He sends me roses every year on that day, the number of roses equal to the number of years she has been gone, and even though in the days preceeding the anniversary I remember that flowers will be coming, somehow I end up forgetting and the knock at the door is always a pleasant surprise. I love that he does this for me. I love that he loves me that way.

For the first time in several years we took the kids to visit my mom's grave. Mason still doesn't quite get it and Addie was, of course, oblivious but Morgan was very sensitive to the situation. She asks me about my mom quite a bit and a few weeks ago we even got out the few precious videos I have of her as a small baby cooing at my mom. We took three of the pink roses and left them there for my mom, one from each of her grandchildren.

Her ashes are there with her parents. My grandmother passed away a few years before my mom and my grandfather died two years after my mom. I like it that they are there together.

As we left Morgan said, "I wish I could have known Gramma. I mean really known her."

Oh, how I wish that, too.

Big Girl

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 17:52:05 GMT

Three days ago she sat on the potty for the first time. She told me she was going to go potty, clutching her diaper and saying, "Go poo-poo?" so to the potty we went. Nothing happened but it was very exciting. Morgan almost cried (I'm not kidding). Here she is, her first time sitting like a big girl on the potty:

Then last night she did the same thing, clutching at her diaper and saying poo-poo so Daddy whisked her off to the potty and SHE DID HER BUSINESS and then called out to him to come get her when she was all done. I couldn't believe she actually pooped in the potty! Not even eighteen months old yet! She was thrilled with the three m&m's she got and when she asked for more I told her she could have more when she pooped on the potty again and she said, "Oh." and then started trying to take her diaper off. The girl is no dummy.

I've done this too many times before to actually believe she's going to start REALLY potty-training any time soon. But it's coming. It's definitely coming.

She is such a big girl!

Friends vs. Family

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 18:50:12 GMT

I spent the weekend playing catch-up with old friends. It was wonderful to reconnect.

That's me with Amy and Jodi. We became friends when we all lived in Illionis, all three of our husbands in graduate school (two in the same chemical engineering department, the other in physics). We lived within one block of each other and between us there were six babies born while we lived there. Our kids were each others first playmates and we navigated the world of new motherhood together while complaining of living the grad school life, happy to at least be in the same boat with one another. These friends (and a few others!) are what made those first few years of married life, becoming parents, and surviving graduate school so wonderful. They are the kind of friends I know I'll keep in touch with forever.

Jodi moved first, and Amy followed her the next year. One of the many perils of graduate school life is that friends come and go quickly. Graduate school is just a stop-over and the revolving door brings people into your life and then moves them on out. Jodi went to Kansas where we eventually ended up for 18 months and Amy moved to California. Jodi and I hadn't seen Amy for four years before this weekend when we met up with her and her ever-growing family (they have five kiddos now) in a town here in Oklahoma where Amy's parents live. We spent the weekend at her parents' pool, watching our kids splash around and getting the chance to chat. It helps that our husbands are friends, too.

There is nothing like really, really good girlfriends. That kind of companionship is something I crave, something I need to be really happy and satisfied. And save a couple of exceptions (hi, Stacy!) it is something that still lacks here in my current home, some 18 months after we moved here. There are some days when I feel like I would give anything to move back to that same street in Illinois, to my tiny 900 square foot house just so I could surround myself with my friends again. Or to move back to Kansas, to Jodi and Andrea and all the wonderful ladies in my MOPS group. Because I am finding that making those kinds of friends, really, really good friends, is not as easy as it once was. And that, frankly, sucks. Big time.

But. As much as I sometimes miss those wonderful women, as much as I sometimes long for my twice-a-month MOPS meetings, as much as I sometimes need a good girlfriend to call me up and say, "I'm bored! Come over!" I am so very, very thankful that we are where we are today. Because being here means being with family. For eight years we lived several hours away from our family. We saw them sporadically and it was always a big thing for them to come out for new babies or birthdays or baby dedications and so more often than not, they were absent from those important events. And then finally we had the good fortune to move back to Oklahoma. Now we are within an hour from all the people we love the most and those people are no longer missing from our family's most important moments.

I dearly miss my friends but I would never give up this life that we have now. My children are able to celebrate their birthdays with great-grandmothers and aunts and uncles and second-cousins. Their Mimi cheers them on at their soccer and t-ball games and comes to eat lunch with Morgan at school. When I am sick and in need of a break I get five emails asking, "How can I help?" They all love going out to eat with Papa Steve, spending a summer weekend at Granny Bear's lake, playing with their cousins at Christmas. All of their memories of growing up will be full of FAMILY. And more than anything that is what I want for them. They don't realize it yet, but there is no greater gift that Josh and I can give to Morgan, Mason, and Addie than allowing them to grow up surrounded by their family.

It might be hard, but I can and will make friends wherever we go. There will always be an abundance of other moms, the potential for friendship, no matter where we live. But nothing can take the place of family and because of that there is only one place for us to be. And I thank the Lord almost every day that he brought us back here, that He brought us back to family.

Disaster, Summed Up in Two Words

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 18:17:32 GMT

Family picture.

Need I say more?

While at the lake for the 4th of July I had the brilliant idea of trying to take a family picture with our new camera. What was I thinking?

I had wanted to take the pictures in the evening as the sun was going down but it was overcast all day so we started a bit earlier. And as luck would have it, the sun came out from behind the clouds and ruined several pictures (Because the two following pictures would have totally been GREAT without the glare of the sun. Riiiight).

So we moved into the shade where the sun wouldn't ruin anything.

Hmm, I guess the sun wasn't my only problem.

The one below ended up being the best of the bunch. And that's not saying much.

Oh well. I guess we'll try again sometime. Like maybe when they're all in college.

Nearly Eighteen Months

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 14:03:19 GMT

She has suddenly started using "mommy" and "daddy" instead of her usual "mama" and "dada." My heart does flip-flops every time I hear those words, torn between loving my name said with such baby tenderness while cringing that she is already, already, letting go of the baby talk. She is growing so much faster than the other two ever did, spurred on by wanting so much to follow in their footsteps, to walk the places they walk and play the things they play. As much as I want to keep her cuddled on my lap with her chubby and dimpled hands clutching at my shirt, she wants DOWN, wants the freedom to explore and play and do things that she shouldn't. There is no stopping her and she knows it.

At nearly eighteen months, I am dragging my heels in an attempt to keep her as my baby. I don't want to discipline her or allow Josh to do the job because I can't stand to hear her cry. In the past, by this age, we have allowed the use of a pacifier in bed only yet Addie gets hers whenever she asks for it. I have fleeting thoughts of introducing her to the potty but the thought of no more diapers makes me want to dissolve into a puddle of tears. We talk about taking a family vacation next year because it will be so much easier since she'll be almost three and I nearly swoon at the thought.

This time last year she was a tiny, tiny baby just beginning to interact with us and now she screams in defiance, has hair that curls to her shoulders, answers my questions, follows directions, plays independently, wants to buckle her highchair straps and use a fork, gets mad at other babies and tries to put them in a headlock (no lie), asks for cookies, uses three-word sentences, dips french fries in ketchup, blows kisses, says "I want...," tells her siblings NO!, gets up on the couch to read a book, wants to wear "fee-faws" (flip-flops) like her sister, has a fierce love for her brother, bites in anger, climbs on nearly everything, still won't sit down in the bath, squeals when she sees a bug, loves blueberries, crosses her arms, tells me when she needs a diaper change, loves to flush the toilet, watches TV for small periods of time, screams "DADDY!" when he walks in the door every evening, wants to go "ow-sigh" (outside), loves her doggie, asks to nurse, says "pee" (please) when prompted and often "nay-oo" (thank you) when not prompted, and is still, thankfully, very much her mama's girl. What a long, long way we have come in a year and, oh the heartbreak, when I imagine the changes that will happen by this time next year!

I'm trying my hardest to hang on to my baby, my last sweet baby. And she is trying her hardest to grow up. I wonder who will win?

Sigh. I know who will win. It won't be me.

Playing with Photoshop

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:05:13 GMT

Playing around with some new actions I downloaded from my newest blog find (thepioneerwoman.com).

First is the original, straight-out-of-the-camera. Now with the Boost action. Makes a difference, huh?

Original, SOOC. I then added a Seventies action and made her eyes stand out a bit more.

It's different, but I really like it.

Here's Mason, before.

And now with the Vintage action. Don't know that I love this one, but again, it's something different and fun. It does give him more of a sweet, innocent feel (hard to come by these days!).

I don't have many pics other than the kids (something I'm going to start working on) but I played around with this photo:

I boosted the color and did the vintage action and got this:

A little bit more interesting than the first one, yes?

I heart Photoshop. And the actions set by Pioneer Woman! :)